Veteran readers of the funny pages will immediately recognize “Andy Capp” as one of “the unfunnies” – a strip they skipped, or only read out to other family members in order to despair of it (our home researchers knew it only as “Andy Crap” until well into the 1980s). Or for people who have ever laughed at a comic strip. “Baffling” would work only the Great Santini would consider that licensing deal an appropriate brand pairing for Americans. As a branding effort, however…"revolting" isn’t the right term.
The snack is, as a snack, somewhat disgusting, but no more egregious than the sorts of Doritos that promise a rumble on the packaging. (It helps that the familiar note is that of Pringle – also made from powdered potato.) The Cheddar Fry has a more bilious aftertaste, which actually forces the tester to continue eating until the bag is finished, the better to postpone contending with the taste of vurp. The tester will keep eating Fry after Fry, at first in an attempt to identify what is familiar about the flavor and then because the flavor is surprisingly unhorrid. The facsimile of spice is odd it does not follow any one cuisine’s profile. The taste of the Hot Fry is manufactured, but not overly vile. The Fry does not go stale easily, and resembles a civilian curly fry in shade and coating. So, while it is probably healthier to open a major blood vessel and insert a Fry directly into it than to digest a handful, the chemicals do their jobs. To whom does the relevant cow belong – Marlon Brando? On the other hand, a single 99-cent bag of Hot Fries accounts for 39% of the RDA of sodium, and 24% of the saturated fat.
The label either promises or warns that Fries contain milk. The product is, as best we can ascertain, composed of a blend of reconstituted corn and potatoes subjected to an MSG delousing and introduced only briefly to naturally occurring substances such as paprika and mustard before undergoing another flea dip in preservatives. The Bunting Alimentary Research Foundation has tested both Andy Capp’s Hot Fries and Andy Capp’s Cheddar Fries, and it is safe to say that both varieties contain many a revolting element, starting with the Bikini Atoll orange color of the Fries themselves.
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